Bonds that Grow and Wear Down

Today marks the sixth day of Blogmas. Fifteen days of my thoughts, with some Christmas cheer sprinkled in.

I am about to talk about something near and dear to my heart, it is personal, and I feel that quite a few will be able to relate. The relationships we have with others are pillars that hold us up through thick and thin. I don't mean romantic relationships exclusively. I mean the romantic ones, the ones we have with friends, family members, classmates, acquaintances, and even strangers we pass every once in a while. These interactions not only build the person you are, but they also influence your behaviors and the way you think. While some interactions aren't the most positive, some of them are life-changing.

I've drifted away from a handful of friends in my life, some slowly but surely, to the point where we check in every once in a while. Others, where the absence of them still aches to this day, and you wonder what could've been. It's almost worse when the reason you drifted apart was that you didn't think you were good enough to be their friend in the first place. I'll tell you from experience that it stings.

Nobody really tells you how hard it is to maintain friendships as you grow older. Each person becomes busier with work, school, and their daily lifestyle.

Something that my mom also pointed out today is that I tend to get stuck in a standoff where I don't feel the need to budge first because I wasn't the person who started it. Now it almost seems silly to me that I am choosing to hold a grudge over something that easily might've been a misunderstanding. Why do humans do that? Why do we get stuck on this one snag in the carpet rather than acknowledging each thread that it took to make the carpet? I honestly think that we focus on that one snag because it allows us not to look any further into ourselves and how we feel. I feel insecure in my place, and it's why I haven't reached out. I also feel scared that I will be rejected; it's easier not knowing than knowing that the rejection I pictured was true.