Tis the Season

Today marks the eleventh day of Blogmas. Fifteen days of my thoughts, with some Christmas cheer sprinkled in.

From where I'm sitting, all I see is rain pouring from the sky, light and subtle enough that you can't see it if you aren't looking for it. That is how it feels for me. It's a fine line between happy and unhappy. I'm stuck between the two of them, and it seems that neither can decide if they want me on their side.

As I get older, the colder seasons have been feeling this way, which is funny since I used to always declare winter as my favorite season. The twinkle from the snowflakes, the warmth of a fireplace, the mini marshmallows in hot cocoa, and the laughter of loved ones. It doesn't feel as warm as it once did, and even that breaks my heart a little.

If I could wish for anything, I would wish for the holiday season to feel as bright and warm as it once did. Maybe my soul hasn't gotten the memo, yet, instead of letting the happiness through, it lets through a shadow. A shadow that makes me shiver and that wipes the smile off my face. It makes me stare into the distance, thinking about nothing and everything all at once. It comes between the rays of light and dodges them till it reaches me.

It's reached me. Slowly inching me into the dark with it. People tend to say that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, so maybe I'm making my way through the tunnel into the light. I will feel full and utter warmth once again. I just have some traveling to do.

If the shadow is starting to tease at you and the warmth you wish to feel, you aren't the only one, and I promise you that you will feel that comfort and warmth that hugs your soul completely. No matter who you are or where you are, I can say that with certainty.